Ouch

Becca Sykes Kofonow

You have something all planned out in your head, you see each piece before you.
Even if it’s not a fool-proof plan, when it goes to hell even when you knew it would,
you can’t help the pain that tears at your stomach and echoes through your brain.
Even when you knew not to get your hopes up and let your heart take flight,
you watch as your tears splash against your legs.
You watch as others around you get sad looks on their faces or give you words of assurance,
when all around you is dark, red and angry flashes of rage.
You hope that you can calm the storm, ease the beast,
but part of you also wishes you could snap
and lash out
and break
and become that wild thing that stirs inside.
It might be good to be calm and calculated,
it might also be good to be fierce and fiery.
These violent delights have violent ends.
You might be angry but what do you get out of it?
You might need to calm but how do you get it out?
You might need a hug even though there are arms around you, how do you feel protected?
If you are in a crowd how can you feel alone?
If you are laughing how can there be tears?
If you are enraged how can there be a smile?
It’s there, it’s always there.
And it hurts.